I keep feeling like I need to be out of my element for a while. I feel like I need to be stretched, even if just a little, and I don't know if the kind of stretching I need can happen here.
I love this city. I am proud to live in this city and even prouder to be a native of it. I am not bored of it by any means.There are so many wonderful things here that cannot be experienced anywhere else, and after 28 years there is so much here that I am still unfamiliar with. I've been challenged, and there are all kinds of new challenges to be faced. There are millions of people I have yet to meet, and entire neighborhoods I have never heard of. As things like gentrification take effect, there are constantly changes that I must adjust to, new things being introduced and replacing what has been common, and everything else being misplaced and displaced. But even when it comes to the unfamiliar, I still have quite an advantage. New experiences, places, and people here always have very familiar overtones. No matter what transformations take place, this is still my city, and there are some core things that will never change, at least not in my lifetime. And even if those things do change, I can always rest assured that not even those changes can be deeper or more profound than my roots.
It might do me some good to know what it is like to be the outsider - the transplant I so often complain about. I think it could be a very healthy challenge for me to have my hometown pride rendered useless, to have my native arrogance tucked away, and the confidence of nearly three decades of knowing it all uprooted....even if just for a while.
But to where, and for what? At this point in life it seems rather silly to just up and move someplace completely new and strange without attempting to meet some specific,practical long term goal, like school or career or something. I'm not afraid of uncertainty, I just wonder if I'm just having immature dreams of adventure and exploration, and if they are too far beyond practical. I have a wife after all, and we want a family some time soon.
Plus I have some exciting new opportunities in the making here, pending on my next decision. For me this has been a season of floating uncertainty, and the prospect of ministering in the communities I deeply care about in a fresh new way seems like it should be a no-brainer. And if I were to take it on, I certainly would want to stick with it for the long haul... moving somewhere else would be out of the question anytime soon.
In light of that, I don't think I'm done here. But I feel that I can't say that with certainty until I've been somewhere else. And I can't help but think that after living somewhere new and different, if I don't feel I should stay somewhere else, the experience will enrich and strengthen whatever I do here in the future. Bottom line, I need to spend some time experiencing life elsewhere before I'll know the next step or can be effective in the next step.
It seems to be quite fitting with the pattern in which God has been working in my life(don't get me wrong- I am not suggesting that I know for a minute what God is really up to, I am just observing what seems to be happening). Its as though He may be trying to wean me off of the familiar and comfortable, and maybe moving is the very next step.
And then I think about how such a decision could effect others. I have a mother here who has no other family at all. I have built irreplaceable relationships of indescribable worth. There are new ministries that are desperately needed here, and people are looking to me to make it happen. Yet I know that this city will not collapse if I leave. I also know God's work will be done, with or without me.
So I can go see what's out there and tell my home to wait for me, or I can grab hold of what's here and indefinitely set aside any possibilities elsewhere. As it seems now, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.
Comments (1)
It sounds like you're a pastor or something.
Are you planning to go on a mission trip or something.
I think that would be a great idea; to go and help out in a 3rd world nation or some impoverished neighborhoods.
If that is where God is leading you then more power to you!
Remain blessed!